A friend of mine asked me the other day where I saw myself 10 years from now. This is a pretty common question, so I was caught slightly off guard when I didn't have (what I though at the time to be) an adequate answer for him. The only answer that I gave was that 10 years from now, when I'm 30 years old, I see myself graduated from BYU, married, and started a family. He had clearly put much more thought into this than I had, for his response was significantly more fleshed out.
I've thought about this conversation a lot over the past few days. See, my entire life has been focused on a single goal: "graduate from college". That's been the goal. And I've worked pretty hard to reach that goal... graduating at the top of my high school class with an invitation to be valedictorian (which I turned down because I was too nervous to speak in front of my entire graduating class at graduation), beginning college on a full-tuition academic scholarship and completing my associates of science degree as part of Utah Valley University's Honor's Society, then attending Brigham Young University to complete my bachelors of science degree in Public Health with an emphasis in Health Promotion so that I could hopefully obtain a job in marketing at a healthcare facility or the state health department. Meanwhile, mastering the art of piano performance, authoring a novel and seeing it through to publication, taking over home/family/horse management responsibilities while my parents fought cancer, and rescuing my horse, training her myself, and taking her to nationals where she stole a Top Ten spot in a class of over 50 professionally trained competitors from across the country. You could say I've been a little preoccupied getting to that goal of college graduation.
But now that I'm 3 semesters away, I'm beginning to realize that reaching this life-long goal of mine isn't the end. Actually, it's only the beginning. Of my life. And I have absolutely no idea what I want to do with it.
Now, this friend of mine that I mentioned at the beginning, the one who spurred this several-day-long thought process, had gone on to explain to me the kind of woman that he was looking to marry. This is a topic that seems to come up pretty frequently in conversation for this stage of life. And I keep hearing the same thing. Young men are looking for a young woman who is driven to do something with her life, and not just do the Mormon-stay-at-home-homemaker thing. I've been thinking especially a lot about this idea. Personally, I don't want a career. Never did. Not for as long as I can remember. You know when you're in elementary school, and the teacher asks the kids what they want to be when they grow up? And the kids respond with "a teacher", or "an astronaut"? Yeah... I didn't want to be any of those things. It wasn't until I reached high school that I came to the conclusion that no, I wasn't just under-motivated to succeed at life. Rather, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. That's the profession that I chose for myself, way back in the first grade when everyone else wanted to be president of the United States.
And I've also realized that this desire came because of my outlook on existence. My innate eternal perspective, if you will.
And then I think about this woman that all the men say they want to marry. Women driven to accomplish something, and not just do the stay-at-home-mom thing. I wonder what that means? Is it that they're really looking for their wives to go accomplish something great? Or is it a type of person that they're looking for that they believe is characterized by being driven to accomplish something? Because if it's the later, I am that kind of person. I'm driven to accomplish goals that I set, and to make something out of my life and my existence. I'm educated, but I've also learned how to think. I know what I believe and why I believe it, and I can carry on a conversation about it. Or about whatever you want to talk about. I'm bold, and determined, and able to do whatever I set my mind to.
Does that qualify me as one of those "driven" wives, even if I don't set out to distract myself from my family and accomplish something great in the world's eyes? Can I be seen and accepted and understood to be that kind of person who's chosen to direct those efforts to my family and to furthering the work of God and building His kingdom?
If not, so be it. I don't need to appeal to that crowd, then.
Because the most important thing to me is an eternal family. Everything else is secondary to that. And if I have time to make a difference in my community, or society as a whole, by volunteering as a member of the American Cancer Society and heading a photovoice project as a thank-you campaign for the Governor for donating the funding to build a Hope Lodge in the Intermountain west, great. And if not, I can still be a faithful, loving, wife, mother, and homemaker. Because it's more important to me to be a woman of God than it is for me to be a woman of the world.
"The world has enough women who are tough; we need women who are tender. There are enough women who are coarse; we need women who are kind. there are enough women who are rude; we need women who are refined. We have enough women of fame and fortune; we need more women of faith. We have enough greed; we need more goodness. We have enough vanity; we need more virtue. We have enough popularity; we need more purity" (Margaret D. Nadauld, general young women president, October 2000, The Joy of Womanhood, emphasis added).
So, yes, I believe in being educated. And yes, I believe in being driven. and yes, I believe in accomplishing great things. But everything has a time and a season. And as a wife and mother, family will come very first for me. I'm already educated, driven, and accomplished. And I'll always keep working on being better in all of those areas. But when I finally do get married, I'll be a wife and a mother first and foremost. Even if that makes me "only a homemaker", it doesn't matter. Because I am a daughter of God. And that is what matters.
